'Mom, the number 1 rule...no kissing in the lunchroom.' Owen Bosworth. Oy, why can't I ever get these rules right?

'So the person dies and they bury the body and it goes to Haiti. They take the heart out and give it to the baby and then put the baby in the Mama's tummy and the baby is born. Then the baby grows and grows and becomes 100 and dies and they bury the body and it goes to Haiti....' Will Bosworth.

'Um Will, they have to take the heart out before they bury the body and it goes to Haiti otherwise they can't get the heart out.' Owen Bosworth.

You lost me at 'the body goes to Haiti'.

'Mom, you know...HHHHAAAAIIIIITTTTIIII.' Will Bosworth

I still don't get it.

'Mom, the place from Percy Jackson where the devil lives.' Owen Bosworth (the duh is strongly implied)

Ahhhh, Hades...

Conclusion...my discussions on organ donation and recycling have meshed into one with a little Greek mythology thrown in for good measure. Real question...how much is this going to cost me in therapy bills?

'AAAAGGGGGHHHHH! AAAAGGGHHHHH!!' What is going on in here?! 'He hit me!' Will. Why did you hit him? 'I hit him in the nose on accident.' Owen. 'He hit me in the eye!! Ohhhh it hurts!' Will. If he hit you in the eye then why is your nose bleeding? 'MY NOSE IS BLEEDING?!!! AHHHHHH, my nose, my nose....it hurts soooo bad!!!!' Oh dear God.

'Hey Mom, how was your day today?' Good. 'Did you go shopping for my birthday presents?' Yup. 'Did I get anything good?' Nope. 'You'd tell me if you got me something good, wouldn't you?' Nope. 'Want me to wrap them for you?' Them implies more than one present. 'Yup'. Victoria Bosworth. Love this stage in their lives....

'MOM I was fast as a vampire! Like an Edward Cullen vampire, not like a bat vampire. They dawdle.' Will Bosworth

'And deliver us from evil, Amen. HEY I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!!' You do? 'Yeah, on the Indiana Jones level 1 there is all this evil and then you get the Indiana Jones guy to go to the next level and he escapes the evil!' I don't remember Indiana Jones going to another level? 'Mom, it's a game. Geez.' Owen Bosworth. Ah, the mighty Wii...the legend and the lessons continue.

Will, did you brush your teeth? 'Yup' No, you didn't, go brush your teeth!

Will, did you wash your face? 'Yup' No, you didn't, go wash your face!

Will, did you finish breakfast? 'Yup' No, you didn't, go eat breakfast!

Will, did you get dressed? 'Yup' Oh now, come on...I can see you. Go get dressed!

'Today's my lying day, Mama so it's okay.' Hmmmmm....

Surely they will stop being strange and funny the day after I start a blog about how strange and funny they are - my mouth said this to my brain over and over again for the last several months. As if. For all of you who know Alex or have watched her 'persuasiveness' over the last year, here is yet another installment.... (left on my pillow last night)

Dear Mom & Dad,

Sorry for the late notice. I hope this doesn't make your life harder than it has to be. You probably already know what I want for my Birthday but just in case you forgot, I will refresh your memory. If this is too difficult I will also accept 10's and 20's. The following is my Birthday list:

- A cell phone (PLEASE)

- A Facebook (PLEASE)

- A hair straightener

- Shorts (jean and sports)

- tops (camis, graphic tees, etc)

- Accessories (bracelets, earrings, necklaces)

- Nail polish

- Flip-flops (any color is fine)

- Converse ( a cool, not normal, color or pattern)

- New ear-phones (the ones iwth only one ear bud are starting to get a little annoying).

Thank you very much

Your favorite Child,

Alex

Hmmmm. She is still the most thoughtful child, eh? As you might have guessed, it's that time of the year again....birthday. Tomorrow the sisters will turn 12. Must go shopping today.

'Robin Rescues Dinner' Will Bosworth sounding out the title of my new cookbook. Hey great job, Will! 'Is this really Robin?' Yup, she's got a show on the Food Network. Have you seen it? 'Mom, is this really Robin?' Yes. 'So it's really a girl with Batman?' What? 'Robin...you know, the guy with Batman! It's really a girl?' Um, different Robin. Poor boy is devastated.

This blog was actually started on Facebook many months ago, although I didn't know it at the time. Because of this, I am starting today with some highlights from the last few months. Tomorrow will be the real start of the 'Avec Worm(s)' blog. BTW, I chose the name Avec Worm(s) because I believe that all lives, even the funniest and best, come with a few worms in them. (Avec is the French word for 'with') Also, if you look at the letters, they stand for - Alexandra Victoria Elizabeth Catherine William Owen Raymond Michael. Those are my kids' first and middle names - in order. Cool, right? So here goes...

Liz Butler Bosworth Tori, if you stood in the backyard smoking a cigarette in front of me, I would still like you better than the other three today. 'Nice Mom.' I don't see this day going well.

Liz Butler Bosworth Who ate these cookies? 'I did because you wouldn't wake up and feed me (translation: I slept until 6:00 a.m. instead of 5:00 a.m.). You told me you put oatmeal in those cookies and that's a breakfast stuff. That was such a good idea to make cookies you can eat for dessert and breakfast!' Will Bosworth. Yeah, that's just the kind of mother I am...always thinking of how to consolidate meal foods...

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Mom, you know what I like best about chocolate milk?' what? 'um, the chocolate, whatdayathink?' Owen Bosworth

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Mom, I can't go to school today - I'm sick.' There isn't any school today. 'Is it a holiday?' (remarkably perked up) No, it's Sunday. 'Ooooooh, then I am way too sick to go to churrrrrrcccchhhhh.' Will Bosworth. Really? Is this ever going to end?

Liz Butler Bosworth 'just be QUIET, you dramatic hypochondriac!' Alex Bosworth...the original dramatic hypochondriac.

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Mom, can you make me a smoothie?' no 'here are the strawberries' no 'I got you the milk' no 'Mom, I could only find vanilla yogurt, is that okay?' no 'here's the blenderrrrrr.....' SMASH! WWWWIIIILLLLL, IT'S NOT EVEN 7:30 YET AND YOU HAVE SUCKED THE LIFE OUT OF ME!! 'HA! I am so your favorite!' Victoria Bosworth.

Liz Butler Bosworth 'I want a brownie but I don't want the crust.' Will Bosworth. huh?

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Mama, I'm a mess. I feel like my arm is broken and I hurt worse than anyone has ever hurt.' Will Bosworth...'OOOOWWWWWW, my leg, my leg...ahhhhh!' Owen Bosworth. Attention: Two short dramatic actors free to a good home...possible Oscar nomination in one or both of their future lives.

Liz Butler Bosworth 'MOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!' What?! 'I just peed without using my hands! I a M-A-N!' Owen Bosworth. Excellent.

Liz Butler Bosworth what's your favorite part of vacation so far? 'ummm, I really like the elevators (at the hotel)! They're so cool!!' Owen Bosworth. Sorry Nashville, that's as good as it gets for him...

Liz Butler Bosworth 'we need another suitcase.' why? 'well, we have one for the majamas and chocolate milk and now we need one for the clothes.' Owen Bosworth.

Liz Butler Bosworth 'sweet mama, I'm bringing you down! Bring your pretty self over here!' Owen Bosworth (said to Will during a sword fight)

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Mom, I need to move to Mexico.' Um, why? 'I'm not a fan of underwear and you can't be an American if you don't wear underwear. Mexico is pretty close, right so I could still see all of you.' Will Bosworth. I don't know....

Liz Butler Bosworth 'It feels like I have a sword in my ear. I have a sored ear and can't go to school.' Will Bosworth...reason #584 for not going to school.

Liz Butler Bosworth 'this tastes like poison ivy.' Owen Bosworth...apparently not loving his dinner.

Liz Butler Bosworth 'I can see my little man boobs, little man boobs, little man boobs. I can see my little man boobs oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah!' sung to the tune of Mary Had A Little Lamb - at the top of his lungs...Owen Bosworth.

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Mom, I've been thinking about our vacation and I don't think we should go.' Why 'I think it's too dangerous.' Why 'Because the lava shoots out of the volcanos and goes down the side and goes into the ocean and makes other islands! But that sounds kind of dangerous.' Um well yeah,that does sound dangerous but I don't think it happens that often in Memphis so I think we're okay. Owen Bosworth

Liz Butler Bosworth '...on a foggy day I don't feel like it's a good school day. What day is today?' Monday 'oh, on Monday's I don't feel like it's a good school day either. I think last Monday was a bad school day too.' Will Bosworth starting his list of reasons for it not being a good school day.

Liz Butler Bosworth Did you clean your room? 'His belly hurts and my eyes are square so we can't' Will Bosworth

Liz Butler Bosworth Owen, what are you eating (at 8:15am)? 'Candy. But don't worry, it's not spicy.' What a relief....

Liz Butler Bosworth '...I'm not tattling, I'm just telling you that Owen spilled water under the table in our room and you should punish him.' Will Bosworth

Liz Butler Bosworth 'my belly and my foot and my neck are asleep. and the parts that are awake don't want to go to school.' Owen Bosworth

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Abe had wooden teeth.' Owen 'Why? That's so gross.' Will 'He didn't brush his teeth and he didn't eat broccoli' Owen 'Broccoli is good. My new toothbrush has special brussel sprouts that are blue on the edge to brush my gums.' Will 'I think Abe is dead, but I don't know about George.' Owen Conversation in the back seat between Will & Owen on the way home from the dentist.

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Mom, my hair is so long now that my goat lick is back.' Ummmm, do you mean cowlick? Owen Bosworth

Liz Butler Bosworth OWEN you're still naked!!! 'ooooh yeah, I remembered to take my clothes off, I just forgot to put the new ones ooooooonnn.' Owen Bosworth...sometimes I guess you just forget things....

Liz Butler Bosworth 'I hope the maple trees win this one!' Owen Bosworth 'they're not maple trees, you idiot! They're Canadians!' Alex Bosworth

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Mom, you're definitely right - the toothfairy has swine flu. She was too sick to come and give me money AGAIN last night!' Owen Bosworth

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Mom, don't put our stuff away while we're at school. We're making a bomb and we don't want you to mess it up.' Will Bosworth

Liz Butler Bosworth 'AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!' What's wrong? 'I just stabbed the inside of my mouth with a fork!' How did that happen? 'MOM, I DON'T HAVE EYES INSIDE MY MOUTH!' Will Bosworth. Sadly Owen Bosworth did the same thing about an hour later. I don't remember having many fork-in-the-mouth casualties before...full moon?

Liz Butler Bosworth 'MOM!!!! I want to wear the guitar underwear and Owen has them on!!! They're mine!!!' There are two pair of guitar underwear...wear the other ones. 'But the other ones are white. I want to wear the black ones. The black ones are cooler!'(whisper, suggesting conspiracy) Come here...the white ones make you smarter...don't tell. Go put them on. 'I don't want to be smarter, I want to be cooler! Forget it, I'm not wearing any...' Will Bosworth

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Mom on Monday at 9/8 central there's a Handy Manny Marathon! Wanna go?!' What? 'A Marathon, Mom!' Oh they're not talking about running a race, it's a bunch of TV show back to back. 'Oh' Will Bosworth...obviously disappointed.

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Give me the gun and go brush your teeth NOW!' Somehow when I envisioned parenthood, I never saw these words coming out of my mouth....

Liz Butler Bosworth if you don't get out of bed right now, I'm turning the lights on!! 'Mom, we can sleep with the lights on' Will Bosworth (before even opening his eyes for the day)

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Will, how come you're so smart?' 'Well because I'm in Kindergarten. When you get to Kindergarten, you will know everything too.' Conversation between Will Bosworth and his Webkinz friend Quacker-Doodle (Will being the voice of Quacker-Doodle also)

Liz Butler Bosworth sung to the tune of 'Mambo Italiano' 'Hey mango, mango with big fat toes! Hey mango, Mango with big fat toes!' Isn't that the best song EVER!' Will Bosworth

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Mom, married people don't have fun, they go to core class together' Will, that's a fun thing to do together. 'ya sure...you're so funny Mom' Will Bosworth

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Mom, I know what a cantaloupe is. It's a deer.' Owen Bosworth

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Mom, you put the lunch box in the wrong backpack. That's okay though...old people always forget things.' Owen Bosworth

Liz Butler Bosworth 'can you get me some chocolate milk Mom?' No 'Can you get me some champagne then?' Owen Bosworth

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Mom I made my own sandwich for breakfast already!' You did? What kind of sandwich did you make? 'Mayonnaise and syrup with bread! Do you want me to make you one?' Will Bosworth

Liz Butler Bosworth 'do you want to be a booger doctor like me when you grow up?' 'No, I want to be a pizza delivery boy.' Conversation between ENT doc and Will Bosworth.

Liz Butler Bosworth Big secret...don't tell anyone...Will just told me that he saw the perfect gift for his Grandma Sally on TV! (excitement building...drum roll) A toothpaste rack!!! 'It is white and has a place for toothpaste and toothbrushes and the toothpaste rolls up and, and, and I don't think they sell it at the mall! You can only get it on TV. I have my dollars! I hope they have some left!'

Liz Butler Bosworth 'mom, sharks kill people, right?' only about 6 per year on the whole planet. Eyes wide, big blink 'so if a shark attacked, it would eat our whole family!' huh? 'well there are six of us'...deep-sea scuba diving family trip in Lake Michigan - cancelled.

Liz Butler Bosworth 'notice the contrast...I want a facebook page and she wants a Nerf gun' Alex Bosworth...referring to comments that she and her sister (twin sister) had made moments earlier on what they wanted for Christmas.

Liz Butler Bosworth has got two five-year old boys for sale....or trade.

Liz Butler Bosworth 'I'm going to the bus stop now' The bus doesn't come for 13 more minutes and it's pouring outside. Why are you going now? 'because it's just sooooo boring around here.' Victoria Bosworth

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Mom, what are these muffins called again?' Lemon-poppy seed. 'Mom, are there lemons in here?' Yes. (pause, eyes go wide, slight quiver to chin, voice gets shaky) 'Mom, are there puppies in here?!!'

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Mom, should we put blood on our door so the angel of death will pass over us?' out of the blue breakfast conversation from Will this morning. No, I think we're okay. That was a long time ago and they had a warning. 'How did the angel of death kill people?' I don't know, but I don't think it caused any damage to the buildings. 'Ahhhhh, lasers then!'

Liz Butler Bosworth 'Mom, I think we should go Laser Tagging as a family this weekend' No. 'Mom, it would be just like family counseling' No...do we need family counseling? 'Mommmmm, everrrryyyybody needs family counseling!' Victoria Bosworth. She may just win this request...

Liz Butler Bosworth 'when did my brother become Dr. Phil?' Alex Bosworth (after Will told her to 'embrace the day and stop whining!')

Liz Butler Bosworth 'I'm not a fan of underwear' Will Bosworth

Liz Butler Bosworth 'boxing is the only punching sport. I wish tennis was a punching sport.' Owen Bosworth