'Edward Cullen Vampire has a new movie?!!! And you won't take me?!!!! How am I going to learn anything if you won't take me?!!!' Will Bosworth. Apparently the mysteries of how to grow up as a 'real boy' are all hidden in the Twilight series, sigh....

'Hey Mom, when does my soccer start again?' Sometime in August, I think. Why? 'I'm going to play like an Italian so I can get those special kicks.' What? 'Yeah, watch!!!' Grabs his head and falls to the floor...writhing in fake pain. 'See, I can be an Italian too!' Owen Bosworth...watching too much World Cup, me thinks.

'WHAT DO I KNOW ABOUT LOVE?! I know all about love! It's kissing and hugging and, and, and...It's putting a scarf about a girl's eyes and taking her to .....something like rock climbing or somewhere else!' Will Bosworth. 'Um dude, that's called kidnapping.' Alex Bosworth.

'MOM, THE TOILET IS FLOODING!!!' Squish, plunge, squish, splash, plunge...gurgle,gurgle, gurgle, flush (that, of course, is the sound of plunging). Who's the man?! 'Mom, you're like the plunging queen of America.' Owen Bosworth. Imaging what that tiara would look like....

'Lord Jesus, thank you for people who make food. I make food. My mom used to make food but now she just makes grill stuff. I like it when she grills onions. And I like it when she grills other stuff too, but where's the beef stew? She used to make beef stew.' Um Will, can we move along? Is there something else you'd like to thank God for? 'Yeah. Corn season. Mom says you shouldn't eat corn unless it's corn season. And peaches. I LOOOOOVVVEEEE peaches. Thank you for peach season! And please help Alex to grow. She's real short. In your name we pray. Amen.' Will Bosworth. Obviously God has a sense of humor or this boy wouldn't be here...

'Mom, can I tell you a story?' Okay. 'There once was a boy named Will. He had many, many, many girlfriends but the one he loved best was called Megan. Megan loved him soooo much - well, they all loved him soooo much, but Megan was the best. So he went out on a date with Megan and she took him to the carwash because he loves the carwash. The end.' Will Bosworth. Such a romantic...

Okay, what do we know about manatees? 'They're camels.' Um, what? 'They're camels.' I'm not following you. 'They come up to the top of the water to breathe air. They have live babies, not eggs. They have warm blood. They're caaaaammmmmmmeeeeellllllllsssss.' Ooooh, mammals? 'Oh yeah, that's it.' Will Bosworth. Sometimes my science lessons work and sometimes....

'Hey Mom, we should have a Harry Potter triathlon!' What? 'It's going to rain all day. You know what you always say about rainy days?!' Um, it's good sleeping weather? 'Nnnnnooooo (laughing). It's a good day for a movie triathlon.' Oh sweetie, I think you're mixing up your athletic events. It's a good day for a Harry Potter MARATHON! 'Yeah, a marathon. That's it! I wonder what a Harry Potter 5k is? Maybe just one movie...' Will Bosworth.

'Mom, if you were a balloon, what color would you want to be?' Well, I guess I'd want to be red. What color would you want to be? 'Mom, people can't really be balloons so I don't even think about that stuff.' Will Bosworth.

'MOMMMM, how do I get a New York accent?' Well, I guess you move to New York. 'Why are you always messing with my head?! Why can't you just tell me?!' I am telling you. You have to move to New York. 'MMMMOOOOOMMMM! There is no place called New York! A New York accent is a funny voice that people make. Nobody reeeeaaalllly sounds like that. That would just be weird!' Will Bosworth. Sorry New York, my boy thinks you are all here for comedic relief.

'Dad, I can sleep and babysit at the same time. I'm just a natural multi-tasker.' Alex Bosworth. Ummmm....

'Mom, I think you should be on American Idol.' Oooohhhh, that's so nice. I'm really not any good though. 'Yeah, I know. You would be one of those funny bad people that make people laugh.' Will Bosworth. How many times can you disown a child...?

'So Stanley is older than you?!' What are you talking about? Who's Stanley? 'That guy.' What guy? 'The guy withe the cup. You said his cup hasn't visited Chicago since before you were born.' That is correct! Stanley and his cup have not been to Chicago since before I was born. That's why it's so exciting! 'But you're from Boston. When was the last time Stanley and his cup went to Boston?' Will Bosworth...kind of sucking the joy out of the moment.

'How many days in a month?' Owen. '32.' Will 'So that's 40 days in a month and a half. So if we practice soccer every day and she gives us dollars then we'll be rich and can buy a tv when school starts.' Owen. Slightly-misguided 6 year olds...very afraid of what these planning sessions will morph into by the time they are 10, however.

'Will, if you stick it up your nose, it'll come out your mouth. Or maybe your eye.' Owen. 'What about your ear? I think it might come out your ear too.' Will. 'Um noooo, Mom said those doctors are call eyes, mouth, nose. No ears!' Owen. Don't know what they were planning to stick up the nose, but more than a little afraid of the reasoning used here.

What do you want to do this summer? 'Well, I really want to break my arm so I can get a cast.' Will Bosworth. I guess you've got to have goals...

Owen, where did you get that bump on your head? 'Well I think I swallowed a lot of water in the pool yesterday and it all went to my head.' I guess that's one theory.

'My thumb on my foot is the biggest, but the thumb on my hand is the smallest. I wonder why.' Owen Bosworth. Anyone?

It's soccer! You're supposed to kick the ball, not carry the ball! 'No, we're supposed to win! When I kicked the ball we didn't win. But when I carried the ball, we won!' Owen Bosworth. Rugby maybe?

'Mom, when were you 6 1/2?' Do you mean what year? Ummmmmm, 1971. 'Did they make pots then?' Yes, they made pots way back then. 'Weren't you lonely?' Why would I be lonely? 'Because there weren't any people here yet.' Will Bosworth. Did I ever tell you about my good friends Adam & Eve....?

'Mom, am I a Norman?' Um, what? 'Am I a Norman?' I don't know what that means. 'NNNNNNooooorrrrrrmmmmmaaaaaannnnnn...am I a NORMAN?!' What's a Norman? 'It's this church that Tori's soccer girl goes to.' Ohhhhh, Mormon! No, you're not a Mormon. Owen Bosworth.

'So Mom, is there such an animal as a mammal that breathes water?' No. 'Mom, is there such an animal as a bird that breathes water?' No. 'Mom, is there such an animal as a mammal that lays eggs?' Well, the platypus is something like that but I think it's classified as a marsupial. It has all the characteristics of a mammal but lays eggs. 'Um, the answer I was looking for was no.' Will Bosworth...some teachers just can't handle the truth. (this conversation took place at 5:30 a.m. between Will - who was standing next to the bed - and his mother - who was still lying with eyes closed, in the bed.)